i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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