So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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