I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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