the condom got lost in my hair
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
