Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
