I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
