does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
