So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
