maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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