So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
