I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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