and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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