he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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