i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
