Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
