Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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