Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
