I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
