everyone is single if you try hard enough
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
