I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
