I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
