And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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