I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
