Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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