Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
