You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
