I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
