I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
