How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
