It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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