My liver just broke up with me...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
