So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
