Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize