i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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