He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
