White coat. Heels.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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