You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
