her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
