it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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