Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
