you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize