I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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