I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
