I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
