ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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