Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think my moral compass just broke
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