my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
