Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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