so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
