she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
