I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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