also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
