He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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