We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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