Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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