I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
