that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
