Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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