How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
