Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
