dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
