Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
