Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
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I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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