She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize