well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
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its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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