im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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