i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
