Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
