Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
